SKENE: CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

This is draft one of my sci-fi novel Skene. To read earlier chapters, go to LABELS in the right-hand column on this page, scroll down to the Skene tags and click on the one you want to read. Skene is set on a human-habitable planet in the Alhena star system at least 500 years in the future. There's a considerable amount of appendix material and diagrams also available here as needed:
Map of Riesig (the main island)
Map of The Manage on Riesig
Skene Glossary (Skenish to English)
Skene Cast of Characters
Skene Culture, Calendar, Clothing, and Islands
Map of All Skene
Map of The Lofthall on Riesig

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

It was two weeks before school let out for the summer, and every child on Skene was cranky and restless. Halling was flying the school sinner for East Tendril and because she was ahead of schedule, she decided to drop the three children from Ada Fling directly at their Manage's pad instead of on Abfall where they'd have to catch the ferry.

As she accelerated from Abfall over the ferry's morrie vaseo toward Ada, there was a sudden silence from her engine. Her battery indicator dropped to zero and she lost all thrust. After three seconds, long enough for the older kids to notice the change, Halling turned her ignition off, then back on again. The engine sprang into life, the battery returned to a normal level, and she resumed climbing. But the cold panic inside her did not retreat.

Her focus on the battery indicator remained obsessive. She didn't see another flicker from it as she dropped her passengers at Ada, Juh, and Verzin. When she landed at the Lofthall tarmac, before she tied down and plugged in her sinner to recharge, she walked over to the jigong shed. She asked the first jigong she saw, Enyi, where Iro was. Enyi had been head of the day shift since the last Sheng Zhang, but Halling had preferred dealing with Iro ever since Iro had been hired.

"She didn't come in today" answered Enyi. "She's got the same chest ailment that Danaan has, went to the curandera today for antibiotics."

Halling felt disappointment, but she told Enyi instead what had happened.

Enyi said "You sure you saw it go all the way to nothing? Because that's a brand new array, in that sinner, put it in myself last week."

Concealing the flicker of irritation she felt, Halling said "I'm sure. Some of the kids noticed the engine cutting off, too. Maybe there's a loose connection, I don't know. But I want a full diagnostic run before that sinner goes back out."

"Will do" said Enyi.

"I left it unplugged, in case that makes a difference" said Halling.

"All right" said Enyi. She made no move to leave the shed, however. Halling finally said "I'll check in tomorrow, then" and went to the Lofthall. When Qala was off the radio, Halling asked "What's the status on Danaan and Iro's health?"

"Still sick, but getting better, Rark said. She's been coughing too but she began taking the same thing they're on and she insists she's all right to do local runs. I know she doesn't want to leave us short" answered Qala.

"We won't be short, we'll just postpone a commercial haul if we have to. Talk to her personally in the morning if I don't get a chance, and if she's congested, send her home. Flying over water doesn't do a thing for bronchitis, even in this warm weather" said Halling. They went on to other business.

The next morning, Mill begged to go with Halling on the school run. Halling wavered, then said "I'm doing the West Tendril today, and we use every seat on that route, honey. I know you don't mind sharing with another kid, but they might mind. Listen, it's only another week until school's out. When I help out on the occasional haul and you're here, you can go with me all day sometimes on those, okay?"

Mill reluctantly made the deal.

When Halling got to the Lofthall, the first thing she heard was Rark coughing from the dispatch room. She went in and said "You don't sound well enough to fly."

"I am" insisted Rark. "The crud is just coming up out of me, that's all. I swear I don't have a fever or any kind of weakness."

Halling looked her levelly in the eyes, and decided she wasn't dissembling. "All right, but no sinning out in the open ocean. I need to replace you and Danaan as a lighter team, anyhow. Instead, you do local sinner hauls, and if your condition changes, you tell me or Qala and levvin' go home, you hear me?"

Rark promised. Qala handed her a pick-up on Byli, a heavy load of early harvest to bring back to Verzin for processing. Halling walked on to her sinner.

It had been tied down and was plugged in, but not washed down. She looked at the engine compartment and couldn't tell if it had been opened or not -- there were no smudge marks, but there might not be with battery work. She uncoupled, climbed into the hatch and turned on the engine. It sprang into instant life, with a full charge just like a nearly new array should have. She waited five minutes, watching the indicator intently, then finally strapped in, radioed take-off to Qala, and did one last check of all instruments.

As she lifted off, she saw Rark in a heavy-duty sinner two berths down from her also starting her engines. She gave a wave and circled out over Bohaira, partly to gain altitude but also because it gave her pleasure every time to fly over her own Manage, looking down at the green beds and black roof, imagining the people she loved inside maybe hearing the sinner and wondering if it was her. She tilted slightly as she approached their lane, so she could be seen clearly through the hatch if by chance anyone was outside. But no one except katts and chickens were out of doors. She accelerated to climb.

In the next instant, her engine went dead. She looked at the battery, and it was flat line again. Swearing, she reached for the ignition, turned it off for a second, then turned it back on. Nothing.

Panic filled every available space inside her except her mind, which stayed cool and loose. She turned the ignition off again, making sure it was completely disengaged with a visual, waited two heartbeats, then turned it on. Still nothing. She was now over South Rambla, with seven lanes of Manages in front of her if she continued on toward open water. It was twice that far back to the Lofthall, but she'd hit open water just as soon if she banked south. Her altitude was plummeting: Whatever she did, she was not going to let this craft come down on crowded Riesig.

She manipulated her flaps, trying to achieve glide, as she turned south and west. The heavy passenger sinner, however, was built for occupancy, not aerodynamics, and she could not find a position that keep her nose downward. Every two seconds she released one hand on the flaps to try engaging the ignition again. The back of her mind noticed a shadow pass close over her, and in the next instant, Rark's voice came on the radio saying "Halling -- Halling, are you in trouble?" But she could not spare a hand to answer, she didn't have enough hands as it was.

For a brief second, she gave fervent, all-out thanks that Mill was not with her.

By the time she reached water's edge, where South Rambla emptied into West Tendril, she was less than a meter above the rooftops of the cliffside Manages. She hoped to level out and maybe slide to a stop on top of the water, but she had to clear the shallows of the ferry line and its morrie vaseo first, she thought. Another ten meters, and she'd be over deeps, with no chance of hitting reef or rock underwater if the impact was direct.

She suddenly remembered her parachute. She didn't have to go down with the sinner, she could jump. She released the hatch, which blew open and yawed her sinner violently in that direction. She let go of all controls to unbuckle, lunged for the hatch, and as she jumped free, she pulled the cord on her parachute.

There was only ten meters between her and the water. The parachute opened but had no time to catch air. A second later, she hit the water on her right side, with a jolt of pain and cold, but she kept going down into the dark blue at a sideways angle. She'd forgotten to buckle her cap, and it was wrenched off her head. As she was still going down into the water, she felt an enormous percussion to her left, and realized it was her sinner crashing. At the same instant, she realized pain on her right side was localizing to her shoulder and arm, a searing throb that made her want to suck in air. No air was available, however.

Flailing her legs and her left arm, she managed to get more level and then, blessedly, begin rising slowly back up toward the light above her. The instant her mouth cleared the surface, she screamed and breathed in a lungful of life. She was having trouble focusing -- the salt water stung her eyes -- but she could tell to her left was the sinner, slowly sinking, and to her right was the parachute, flung out like a net over the surface of the water. She couldn't move her right arm at all without agony, and her otos, every item of clothing she had on, felt like it was made of metal. She tried to tread water with sluggish legs and her left arm, but she kept bobbing up and down under the surface, then just above it.

She timed her breaths to match her bob, and on one bob up, she blew out her nose to suck in air through her nostrils as well. As she did so, the reek of ketone filled her nasal passages, then her lungs, then seemed to fill her entire body. Her brain stopped working. Terror consumed her. The leviathans were here.

She looked around her wildly, trying to see them, but nothing broke the light chop of the surface except her sinner and the parachute. She was the third point of a triangle of floating objects, and she wondered if that was keeping her from being gobbled up instantly. Maybe they'd go after the sinner first. She looked behind her to see how far away the cliffs were, or at least the morrie vaseo -- maybe the sinner would distract them enough to allow her to swim for it, hobbled as she was. She wished a ferry were nearby.

Then she felt something underneath her brush against her right leg. She felt an eddy of current tug at her from that direction, as something enormous flowed by just under the surface, just underneath the floating parachute. The smell of ketone was overpowering.

She stopped moving. She began slowing sinking downward, and she closed her eyes against the sting. She had the thought that she'd just seen her Manage for the last time, and there was a flicker of gladness in it -- at least she had that image in her mind. She'd hold onto that image as she went down the gullet. Or -- she could breathe in water now, just one big gulp and she'd be unconscious in a few seconds. She tried to convince herself to do it, to open her tight jaw and take one more breath.

In the next instant, the searing pain in her right arm burst into flame as the parachute harness across her shoulder was violently jerked outward. Keeping her eyes tightly shut, she had the sensation of being propelled forward, through the water, then, bewilderingly, launched into air. She felt the surface tug at her otos one last time, and it felt as if she were being swung by the end of a rope.

She opened her mouth to scream at the pain, and breathed in air. At that point, she opened her eyes, and saw on her right side, blue sky, on her left side, the dark water of West Tendril. Somehow, she was flying, traveling in a sideways arc and gaining altitude.

She looked down at the water, trying to make sense of her launch from there. She saw her sinner, almost submerged now. Three massive pink shapes were clustered around it, just below the surface, not moving. She looked for her parachute, but didn't see it. She turned her head to look straight in front of her, and there was her parachute, scarlet and royal blue silk hanging down like a flying jellyfish from its tackle. The lines of the tackle were taut and came directly back to her chest. She lifted her left hand and touched the webbing. Then she looked at her parachute again, and from it she saw a silver cable stretching up into the sky, and at the end of the cable was a sinner. Rark's sinner. Rark had dropped a grapple and snagged her chute. Rark had her.

As comprehension reached her, her flight began slowing and leveled off. They were over the tip of Bosco and still arcing, now closing in on Riesig and the jichang. She could see it to her left. Their deceleration became acute, and as Rark's sinner reached airspace over the tarmac, it shifted into hover. Halling and her parachute, now overhead, swung in circles like a plumbob for a long nauseating minute.

Halling closed her eyes again, trying hard not to either vomit from the sensation or pass out from the stress on her right shoulder. She opened her eyes again as the swing lessened and she felt a slight change in air pressure which meant descent.

She looked up at Rark's sinner, wondering how Rark was going to keep the heat of the jets from melting the lines of her parachute. As she looked, the parachute silk burst into flame and fluttered down around her. Not a good sign, she thought. She turned her gaze downward, to avoid the heat she could now feel coming toward her. She tried to remember practicing her jumps from the tower, weeks ago. They hadn't landed on tarmac and it wasn't straight down in a real parachute, but still she flexed her knees, reminding herself to bend.

When the reddish-orange gravel was about four meters below her, the line from her harness to the parachute tackle finally burned through. She began falling, and she instinctively pitched herself to the left, determined not to land on her right side and the raging ache in her arm. She hit the ground with all her weight on her left ankle, and she felt a snap in that joint as she continued downward, hitting immovable earth with her thigh, then her hip, then her back, and finally her head. But the blow to her head was not enough to even stun her, and could not compete with the now familiar pain of her right arm and the new, lightning pain of her left ankle. She rolled flat onto her back and tried to decide which pain was worse.

She screamed when someone grabbed her shoulders and she lunged, trying to avoid their touch. It was Yoj, bending over her, yelling her name. "Not my arm, not my arm" she screamed at Yoj. Yoj looked at both arms, and seemed to understand it was her right one. She moved to Halling's left side and, as other people pounded up, she told them "Her right arm's broken, don't touch it."

Halling said then "My left, too -- my ankle." Yoj said "Okay, I see it." Then "You're safe now, darling, you're going to be all right." Halling looked at her and didn't really believe her. The reek of ketone still filled her insides. She began shivering uncontrollably. "Don't leave me" she begged. "Don't let me go."

"I won't" swore Yoj. There were more footsteps, and Halling saw a stretcher being held by pilots in blue and yellow. Yoj said "Don't touch her yet, we have to figure out how to do this." Then she said "Hall, we're going to lie this down beside you on your left side. Can you scoot your upper half onto it by yourself?"

"Don't touch my arm" Halling said again, panicked.

"We're not. Look, here's the stretcher. Can you figure out a way to -- here, I'm going to touch your left shoulder, does that hurt? Okay, how about if I lift your shoulder and waist on this side -- don't anybody else touch her, just me. Good, that's it, you're halfway on it. Okay, now, straighten out using your right leg, just lift your left leg into the air and I'll hold it at the knee. That's right, you've got it. Little bit more. Okay, Halling, you're on it. Lie flat and hold my hand, other people are going to lift the stretcher slowly but it still might hurt."

Halling screamed and gripped Yoj's hand as the stretcher went up into the air as evenly as the six pilots could manage. Yoj said "No rush here, folks, the emergency is over. We're going to walk slowly and calmly to the hospital. I'll count the cadence, okay." Yoj began slowly saying "right, left, right left" and the stretcher began moving sideways. Halling fought the urge to vomit again, but closing her eyes helped. And Yoj's hand helped. "Don't leave me" Halling begged her again. "I'll never leave you, never" said Yoj.

At the hospital, Halling was transferred to a rolling bed with less gentleness than Yoj had managed, and she began screaming again. Yoj was yelling at people, and finally the flare of pain died down to just a burning ache. Someone was cutting off her pants and boots, but Yoj said "I'll do her her guibba, get the lev away from her, I'll do it". She undid the buckles and slowly, very slowly, eased it from Halling's left shoulder. Halling was focused on the scissors going down inside her left boot and the flashes there at every jostle. Finally Yoj said "Hold onto my hand and I'm going to help you sit up, so I can pull this the rest of the way off you."

When Halling was able to sit, she saw at least six people in hospital yellow around her, including Ried. She looked at Ried and said "Why are you here? Where's Bux?"

Yoj said "Ried's the doctor, Halling, we're at the hospital. Bux is on her way. Okay, now, I'm going to slide this sleeve down your arm. I know it hurts, darling, I know. Just one last bit. There's, that's done. You can cut the rest off her, but don't move her."

Halling looked at her right arm and saw an impossibility: Something white and pointed was sticking out of the flesh of her biceps. There was a lot of blood and raw meat and a few pale colored strings with it. It didn't really make sense. She turned her head to look at her left ankle. It was purple and as big as a melon, but there was nothing sticking through the flesh. She closed her eyes again and said "Don't leave me."

"I won't" promised Yoj. Once Halling's shirt was cut off, Yoj helped her lie back down and stayed with her hands on Halling's head, talking to her, as needles were stuck in her left arm and people did all sorts of things to her, many of which were incomprehensible or painful. After a few minutes, though, the pain went away, just like that, all gone. Everything got slow and foggy, except Yoj's voice, her voice was very clear.

Yoj said "They have to operate on your arm, Halling, to fix it. I'll be right here when you wake up, I promise." Halling said "Don't leave me" and that was it for a while.

When she woke up again, the pain was back but not so much, and there was a heaviness to her right arm and left ankle that turned out to be things attached to her. Yoj was still there, and now so was Bux.

"Bux" she said, and Bux kissed her, saying "You're okay, the surgery went great, it's all going to be okay."

"What surgery?" said Halling.

Yoj said "They fixed your arm, and they've set your ankle too. Your x-rays are okay, you might have a mild concussion but nothing else is broken."

Halling said "I smell them, can you smell them?"

"Smell who, Halling?" said Bux, looking scared.

"The levs. They must be so close, if I can smell them like this." Halling began shaking again and said "Don't leave me, please don't leave me."

"I won't" swore Yoj. "What levs?" whispered Bux. "Did she see levs?"

"I don't know, I haven't talked to Rark yet" answered Yoj.

"Rark" said Halling, remembering. "Rark made me fly, she pulled me out of there. I need to see her, I need to -- she saved me, I was dead and I was just trying to let myself go, and suddenly she made me fly out of there."

She saw Yoj look at Bux and Bux said "She's in the waiting room, I'm sure, the entire Lofthall is there with our family, I'll get her."

"Not the children!" yelled Halling. "Keep the children away, I can still smell them, keep the children safe!"

"We will" said Yoj. "You're safe, too, I'm right here."

"Is emma there, too?" asked Halling.

Yoj stared at her. "Ng? No, honey -- Ng is -- not here."

"Good, she should stay home."

After a few minutes, Halling heard Bux's voice saying "She levving will go in here, this is my partner and I'm in charge of her visitors, not you, Ried, you need to back off."

"Back off, Ried" laughed Halling. She said to Yoj confidentially "I hate her just as much as you do, you know."

Yoj laughed in spite of the concern on her face, and Bux was there again, saying "Rark is here, angel."

Then Rark took her left hand, and Halling said to Yoj "Don't leave me". Yoj said "I'm right here" and she kept her hand on Halling's head.

Halling focused on Rark and said "You made me fly. I was under water and then I was flying."

Rark had been crying, Halling saw with surprise. "You sure did fly, I'm sorry how it must have hurt you but I had one chance to drop the grapple. I had to come in at an angle because of the cliffs, and because -- well, they were all around you, Sheng Zhang."

"I know" said Halling. "I can smell them, can you smell them?"

Rark looked startled. "Not right now. We're far away from them now."

"One of them touched me" said Halling. "Under water. I knew then, I tried to breathe in water so I wouldn't be alive when they ate me but I was having trouble, and then suddenly I was flying."

Halling could hear Bux crying. Yoj said to Rark "How many?" and before Rark could answer, Halling said "I saw three."

"At least that" said Rark.

"Why didn't they get me?" asked Halling. "Was it because I was out of the sinner, were they confused?"

"I don't know" said Rark. "I was buzzing them, too, as I got into position."

Halling could feel Rark's hand shaking and said "Do you have a fever? Are you okay to fly?"

Rark burst into crazed laughter and said "I'm fine, Halling, I'm the best I've ever been in my life."

She stepped back, and Yoj's hand left Halling's head. Halling said instantly "Don't leave me" and Yoj said, "I've got your hand, now, I'm right here."

"I don't want to smell them any more, can you get it out of me?" said Halling.

Yoj looked at Bux, who wiped her face and went to the side of the room where a plastic bag sat. She lifted it and sniffed of it, and wrinkled her nose, saying "Her clothes -- reek of it."

"Get it out of here" said Yoj, and Bux handed it to Rark who said "I'll see you later, Halling."

"Thanks" said Halling. Rark left carrying the bag. Bux went into the bathroom and washed her hands. When she came back, she kissed Halling again and said "All better, darling?"

"I was so glad Mill wasn't with me" said Halling. "I'm never going to let her fly again."

Bux began crying once more, and Yoj said "She's on so much pain meds, honey, she's out of it."

"I am out of it" said Halling, "I was right there with them, one of them touched me, and then I was out of it, flying out of it. Rark did that, you need to thank her for me."

"For the rest of my life, I will thank her" wept Bux.

"I still smell them, can you smell them?" asked Halling.

Bux looked at Yoj, and Yoj said "They washed her down with alcohol, I saw them. Maybe it's in her lungs, maybe she did swallow some water." She leaned over Halling's face and breathed gently at her mouth. Halling laughed and said "I don't feel like kissing right now."

Yoj sniffed of Halling's nostrils, then said "I get a whiff, I do." She kept sniffing of Halling's face until she reached Halling's temple, and she put her nose to Halling's hair and said "Oh, crap, it's in her hair."

Bux said "I'll get some help" and left the room. Halling said "Don't leave me, please don't leave me" and Yoj said "I won't, I never will."

Halling dozed off. After a while, Bux woke her up, holding a bottle of Halling's lilac shampoo. "Mill ran home and got you this" she said tenderly.

"Not Mill, she can't come near, keep her safe!" cried Halling.

"She's safe, she's with the abbas and the other children in the waiting room, they're all safe" said Yoj. They coaxed Halling up enough to put a basin underneath where her pillow had been. Bux gently washed her hair, and Yoj went back and forth to the bathroom, carrying bowls of warm water, until it was rinsed clear. Then Bux dried it with several towels until it was no longer damp. Yoj got a new pillow and put it under Halling's head. Halling gave a huge sigh and said "I don't smell them any more. Now I smell like a human being again."

"You certainly do" said Bux, kissing her forehead. Halling went to sleep again, and when she stayed asleep, Yoj turned off the light and curled up next to her on her left side, asking Bux to relieve her in four hours.

Nurses woke Yoj up repeatedly, changing IVs and doing other things, but Halling slept on until a different curandera, not Ried, came in and began examining her. When Halling woke up, the first thing she said was "Yoj" and then "It hurts". The curandera injected something into her IV line and said it would help with the pain, and Yoj sat on the edge of the bed, holding Halling's hand. Halling said "The engine went dead, and I wasn't going to crash on Riesig, not with all those Manages underneath me."

Yoj said "Rark was right next to you, thank all that is good, and she was trying to get you on the radio. Then she called Qala, and Qala sent it out on Sigrist radio. I heard it at my cubicle and began running toward the Lofthall. Then we didn't hear anything for a few minutes, from you or Rark, and -- " Her voice failed then.

"They were there underneath me, they must be in the deeps all the time in West Tendril, just like in East" said Halling. "But I don't know why they waited long enough for Rark to save me."

"Because we can't live without you, that's why" said Yoj.

The curandera said "She really should rest" and Yoj answered "She has been, she'll go back to sleep in a minute, won't you, Hall?"

Halling said "I'm a little hungry" and the curandera said "That's good. We can get you some juice, maybe some soup." She left the room and soon afterward Bux came in, looking exhausted. Yoj pulled her into a hug without letting go of Halling's hand and said "Did you get any rest?"

Bux said "Qala took me to her room at the Lofthall so I could have privacy but I only slept in small chunks. How is she?"

Halling opened her eyes again and said "I forgot about the parachute until too late, but I couldn't have used it any sooner anyhow because then the sinner would have crashed onto someone's manage, you know."

"I know" said Yoj. "Still, it was the parachute which saved your life, that and the grapple training you instituted. You saved your own life."

"No, it was Rark" said Halling. "I was dying, I was going deeper into the dark where they were and I was trying to just suck in the water so I didn't feel them eat me, but Rark pulled me back out into the air."

"She just got another injection of whatever they're giving her" said Yoj. "She slept pretty solid for, what, at least three hours."

A nurse came in with a tray and Halling said "You got any pie here?" Bux laughed a little crazily and helped Halling sit up as Yoj got the table positioned by the bed. Bux told the nurse "I'll feed her" and Yoj asked "Is there any way we could get a cot in here, for one of us to sleep?"

"I'll see" said the nurse. Bux gave Halling a sip of the orange juice and Halling said "Wow that's good." The soup was mostly just broth, but Halling ate it all and drained the juice glass. Then she said "Uh-oh. I need to piss."

Yoj looked around the room and opened a cabinet, finding a bed pan. She and Bux briefly discussed which side would be easier on Halling and decided to turn her to her right, with Yoj under her left shoulder and Bux holding the pan after they got Halling slid to the edge of the bed. Halling remarked "I got no knickers on, I didn't know that. And this schmatta is open at the back."

They were successful in getting most of the pee in the pan, with only a little on the floor that Yoj mopped up after they got Halling lying down again. Bux was emptying the bed pan as the nurse returned with a rolling cot. Yoj set it up in a corner of the room as Bux told the nurse about Halling peeing and answered questions about amount and color. Halling found that pretty funny.

"What time is it?" asked Yoj.

"About three in the afternoon" said Bux.

"The kids will be home from school, who's with them?" asked Halling worriedly.

"The abbas are at home, Qen will walk them home and the abbas are taking great care of them" said Bux.

"Don't tell them about the levis" said Halling, starting to close her eyes.

Yoj said "I'm going to go out to the waiting room and maybe get something to eat. Have you had anything?"

"Qala brought me something from the canteen when she woke me up" said Bux.

"I'll be back in a bit and sleep on the cot. If you're asleep, just wake me when you need me." She kissed Bux and Halling said, with her eyes closed "Don't leave me."

Yoj answered "Bux is here, she's going to lie down here with you. I'm leaving the room but not the hospital, and I'll be back in a few minutes to sleep in the room with you, too. One of us will always be with you."

"Okay" said Halling.


Copyright 2007 Maggie Jochild.

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BROAD CAST 10 JANUARY 2008

Updates from David Letterman: He continues to mention the WGA strike every show. One night they played a fake ad from AMPTP explaining their side of the disagreement: It showed a graphic of two whole pennies plus a penny cut in half, saying "The Writers Guild of America is demanding we pay them two and a half cents of every dollar we make. We ask you: How can we cut a penny in half? It's an outrageous request." Another night, at the top of the show Dave was announced as "Stooge for the WGA!" He and Paul regularly make comments about how their material shows what can be produced by WRITERS -- usually after a joke or bit has bombed.

Two nights ago, Dave resurrected a stunt he's done before, tormenting the businesses around the Ed Sullivan Theater. This time his target was again the Jamba Juice across the street, which has a wide expanse of plate glass windows revealing the interior to a camera nearby. They sent in a WGA striker from the picket line, who stood in the front window and waves his sign. After a few seconds, they sent in three more strikers. Then six strikers -- at which point Dave said the Jamba Juice employee dialing the phone in the background was probably calling the cops. Then another five strikers, then all they had left, another dozen. By this time the Jamba Juice was crammed with strikers. Nevertheless, as is always the case with this stunt, no passersby paid any notice whatsoever, and one guy in a suit threaded his way into the place to the counter without acting like anything was out of the ordinary.

Next, Dave sent in somebody dressed as Spiderman. Then Moses. And the last to join them was somebody in a bear costume. Never once drawing a second glance from anywhere. I find this irresistibly funny.

Last night during his monologue, Dave mentioned that Dubya had gone to Israel, adding "It's always risky when they let him leave his comfort zone. He made a speech today in which he said 'Ich bin ein Jewish guy.'"

I am paying new notice to the late night format, monologues and shtick after watching the second installment of the PBS series on Pioneers of Television, this one about late night talk shows. They covered Steve Allen, Jack Paar, and Johnny Carson, with entirely too much blather from Jay Leno but some interesting comments from Arsenio and Dick Cavett. They'd filmed an interview with Merv Griffin before he died, and he was nice to see the old queen again. The only really new nuggets for me was the fact that the late night concept was dreamed up by Pat Weaver, who was Sigourney Weaver's father, and she had some interesting things to say about how her father refused to underestimate the intelligence of the average viewer, aiming instead for real conversation and commentary.

(Thanks for Shadocat for sending me this cartoon.)

I always appreciate it when I get an e-mail that says "Do you really need to print this out? If not, save a tree". (Pam I., this means you, I recall.) Well, Tamara Krinsky at Change the Margins has an even Greener idea that I want us all to adopt and pass on: Her suggestion is that we change the default margins on all our documents to .75 inches instead of the 1.25 inches that Windows sets it at.

Currently her campaign has three goals:

1. Convince Microsoft to change the default margin settings in Microsoft Word to .75 on all sides. The more convenient it is for people to change their habits, the better chance there is that they will actually do so.

2. Persuade five corporations to officially sanction narrower margins for all company documents. In this way, people will get used to seeing documents with this formatting as the standard, as opposed to the exception. Never underestimate the power of peer pressure.

3. Challenge five universities to adopt narrower margin settings as the standard for their students and faculty, and include this information in their course guidelines.
She's focusing initially on Coca-Cola, Toyota, Continental Airlines and S.C. Johnson, so if you have a good contact at one of those corporations, go to her website and get in touch with her. Her website also has a petition you can sign urging Microsoft to change their defaults before the software leaves their factory.

Here are the stats from her website about paper consumption:

In prehistoric times, 60% of the earth's surface was covered by forests - today that amount has been reduced by 30% and is still shrinking.

-It takes 17 pulpwood market-sized trees and 390 gallons of oil to make a ton of paper

-That ton of paper, when disposed of, takes up nearly 8 cubic feet of public landfill space.

-That public landfill is approximately 36% waste paper products.

-Each one million pages of paper not printed saves 85 pulp trees.

-Each person in an office on average uses 2.5 pounds of paper each week. In the U.S., a ton = 2000 pounds, so that means every 2 years and 70 days, each person in an office on average uses a ton of paper. Now re-read the stats above and see how those numbers hit you. Suddenly, a ton doesn't seem like such an abstract number.

-Americans discard 4 million tons of office paper every year -- enough to build a 12 foot high wall of paper from New York to California.

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR MARGINS

OK, so until we can get Microsoft to change the default margins in Word, here's how to do it on your own. It should take no more than twenty seconds and just a few clicks of the mouse. I suggest setting your margins to .75", which will save an immense amount of paper over the long haul, but still leaves you with a little bit of space on the sides. For those of you on the metric system, I'd recommend setting your margins to 2 centimeters, which is just over .75".

ON PCs:
On your WORD screen, go to FILE, then PAGE SET UP.
Click on the MARGINS tab, and fill in your desired settings. Then click on the DEFAULT button (it's on the bottom of the Margins tab). You'll be offered "Do you want to change the default settings for the page set up? This change will affect all new documents based on the normal template." Click YES.

ON MACs:
On your WORD screen, go to FORMAT, then DOCUMENT.
Once on DOCUMENT, click on MARGINS and you'll be able to fill in the settings for your margins.


I've a great article to recommend, by Courtney E. Martin in her book Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body. Posted at Utne Reader, her essay Love Your Fat Self points out:

"Sizeism remains the only truly socially acceptable form of discrimination on the planet. We see living in a fat body as an insurmountable disability. Nearly a decade ago, the feminist therapist Mary Pipher wrote that 'fat is the leprosy of the 1990s.' Today fat is the death penalty of the 21st century. Skinny girls, counting their carrot sticks for lunch, can’t imagine being lovable at that size, applying for a job at that size, even living at that size. When I asked 14-year-old Manhattanites how their lives would be different if they were fat, they were struck silent. After a few moments, one responded, 'I would be dead.'"

It's a great read, complete with an image gallery. Love your body and lead the way.


And, lastly, here's a link to a FABULOUS Tom the Dancing Bug cartoon posted at Angry Black Woman blog, the definitive answer to essentialists who claim there's a biological explanation for why blacks score lower on some IQ tests than whites. Pass it on...

(Another classic from the mind of little gator)

Read More...

Summary only...

SKENE: CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

This is draft one of my sci-fi novel Skene. To read earlier chapters, go to LABELS in the right-hand column on this page, scroll down to the Skene tags and click on the one you want to read. Skene is set on a human-habitable planet in the Alhena star system at least 500 years in the future. There's a considerable amount of appendix material and diagrams also available here as needed:
Map of Riesig (the main island)
Map of The Manage on Riesig
Skene Glossary (Skenish to English)
Skene Cast of Characters
Skene Culture, Calendar, Clothing, and Islands
Map of All Skene
Map of The Lofthall on Riesig

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

Yoj got up with Bux the next morning and they ate breakfast together with the children, who were misbehaving normally now that their emmas seemed to be a solid unit again. Qen announced she felt ill and was staying home, so Bux walked the kids to school. Once they were gone, Yoj moved closer to Qen and said "Have you taken one of Veida's tinctures?"

Veida laughed, a little harshly, and said "I don't have an herb for this one."

"Oh" said Yoj. She swallowed hard, took Qen's hand in her own and said "Then talk to me. As if I can help. Tell me everything. I want to hear it."

Qen eyed her, looked back to Veida, and ran her other hand through her hair -- which was now vaguely pink, with all the white crowding out her red. She said "Not a word to Bux, or our other children. Or even Halling. This is a burden you'll have to carry alone."

"It won't be a burden if it relieves your load" said Yoj, and meant it.

Qen began talking, trying to sort the hull from the germ in her decades with Yerush. A lot of it was, in fact, hard to hear, though not all. Qen had been in love with Yerush since they were children.

After an hour, and two replenishments of tea, Qen's voice was getting a little hoarse. She asked "How are you and Bux doing?"

"Talking. Beginning to see each other's side. Facing the same direction again, as we walk" said Yoj.

"She's not like Yerush" said Qen. "Not in the worst aspects."

"I'm beginning to see that -- although, paradoxically, it was Yerush who led me astray last week about Bux resembling her" said Yoj. She could see this land like a blow on both Veida and Qen.

Qen said "I hope this doesn't wound you further, Veida my love, but I miss Ng so terribly. She'd -- she'd give me drainage for this hard-packed soil I'm in."

"I miss her too" said Veida, and Qen finally cried. For the second time in a week, Yoj held an emma-in-law who was weeping without contraint, as if she were a child again and Yoj the adult. She began to wonder if children's wounds ever healed. She wondered what her own children would carry -- perhaps this past week's events. She turned her mind away from that to listen to Qen.

A while later, as Yoj got a wet washcloth to gently wipe Qen's face, Sigrist radio announced a call for Veida, a birth on Seda.

"Oh, lev" said Veida. "I was hoping to sleep a big part of the afternoon, I'm ragged."

"You could divert the call to Jyoti" said Qen.

"No, I've been with this aggie for three births now, this is her fourth. She's a friend of Moasi's, as well." Veida stood up tiredly. Qen and Yoj stood as well. "I'll go to the loft and get you a change of clothes" said Qen. Yoj began making her travel food, as Veida went to her cupboard for her comadrona bag.

Back in the kitchen, Qen looked at the ferry schedule and said "Unless she delivers very fast, you'll be spending the night there because morrie vaseo will stop around dinner for eight hours."

Yoj said "If that happens, if she's delivered but you can't return -- call the Lofthall from the jichang and ask for a ride. Or go to the hostel, don't sleep on somebody's couch, we can afford it." Yoj pulled coins from her pocket and handed them to Veida. "Eat out, there's a great cafe there, and sleep until you wake up. We'll be fine here. I'll look after -- things."

Veida looked at Qen, who giggled and said "Now I'm being reduced to 'things'", which embarrassed Yoj but they kept laughing at her. Qen already looked better.

Fifteen minutes later, Veida was out the door. Yoj looked at Qen and said "You have a day off. No chores for you unless it's something you enjoy. So, what would you really like to do?"

Qen hesitated, and Yoj said "That -- whatever came into your mind."

Qen said slowly "I'd like to walk up to the Shatters and visit my aggie's memorial. As long as the weather holds. Then come back through the ejida and maybe have lunch with the Botaniste. A long lunch, sampling whatever's new."

"Wonderful. Do you want company, or would you rather be alone?" asked Yoj.

"I think -- alone. But when I get home, will you be here?"

"I will. While you're gone, what needs doing that you don't want to do?" asked Yoj. She made a mental list of what Qen suggested as Qen began putting on otos.

Into the following silence, Qen sat up and looked at Yoj to say "She does love you, you know. I mean, as her child. She sees you well. That's just as true as -- the other. It's confusing that she can be both right and wrong at the same time, but don't give up on the real love."

"All right" breathed Yoj.

"And keep doing the degree work with her. That's sincere, too, not just -- her sinning. We all want you to become a gakusha. We'll see it through with you" said Qen.

Yoj was churning inside. "Tell your aggie for me, I think she raised the most amazing woman on Skene" she whispered. Qen grinned and said "She won't argue with you."

For the rest of the week, talking occurred and tensions were eased, seeds were planted on windowsills and cold frames against the coming spring, and sometimes after dinner, Yoj worked for an hour or so at the kitchen table with Yerush on her paper. She could tell Yerush was uncharacteristically grateful for this continuance, and in spite of Yoj's revulsion at the idea of romance with her emma, they actually had gotten closer. The conversations were often surprisingly rich.

But Yoj's main focus was now on repairing the balance with Bux, and with Halling. On San, they all went to bed when the children did. Yoj leaned against the headboard, Bux leaned against her and Halling lay with her head in Bux's lap. Bux was gently combing out Halling's tight curls with her fingers, over and over, sending thrills through Halling's scalp. Bux's hands were extremely talented.

After sharing all their funny or significant moments with the kids that day, Bux said thoughtfully, "Here we are, clearing our way through our overload of the last few months, and every morning when I get up, my brain feels more like me. Well, I was thinking about all the stories you've told us, Yoj, about how it was that the original settlers went crazy and began attacking each other, because they felt trapped and their usual ways of doing things couldn't work any more."

Halling interrupted, saying "Yeah, that occurred to me, too, that we were all a little looney for a bit."

"But then I realized" continued Bux, "that part of what we're doing -- the three of us, and also my emmas and some of the family close to us -- we're considering change on Skene that nobody else really knows about. I mean, some of what we're talking about over dinner constitutes revolution. A slow and hopefully kind revolution, but all the same -- if it makes us this off-kilter, what's it going to do the rest of the folks out there? When they have to adapt to some of the change?"

"Like what?" said Yoj, her voice keen with interest. She bent sideways to get a glimpse of Bux's face.

"Well, with pilots not dying at the old rate, because of the ability to save each other and other safety measures, that means fewer kids will go into the Lofthall. Experienced pilots won't retire as early. Which means burned out, heartbroken people won't be going into other fields -- not all of them find a way to foster life like Veida did, most retired pilots are bitter and withdrawn. And smart, bold kids will have to find other outlets for their ambition, including going to the U and -- I can imagine new fields of study opening up. It will have a cumulative effect" said Bux.

Yoj, her voice thick with amazement, said "Spoken like a true Sheng Zhang of Rahat!"

Halling sat up, too excited to stay with the hair-stroking. "You know, Bux, not only are you going to be elected Sheng Zhang, but eventually, when you get tired of it, Skene is going to jump at the chance to have you as our Ethicist. And it won't be just a couple of times, like Yerush, it'll be a long golden age of Bux."

Bux was transfixed by this double-sided appreciation. After a minute, she said "We are a force to be reckoned with, this Manage. And we're raising five children right in the heart of the whirlpool."

"They're all incredibly smart and decent" said Halling softly.

"And no two are alike" added Yoj. They admired their children silently for a while.

Halling faced her two partners, pulled her knees up to her chest, and said "I have something to ask you both. And -- it's not as my sweethearts. I need to hear your thinking as a future gakusha and a future Sheng Zhang. Plus -- not a word to anyone else. Okay?"

Yoj felt a chill as she answered "Yes" with Bux.

"I'm considering a change that goes against every rule Skene has" said Halling, keeping her voice soft. She told them her idea. They talked until very late, chasing down each tangent and ramification. When they finally turned off the light and went to sleep, it was with a sense of profound connection and achievement.

The next day, Yoj met Halling at the Lofthall to walk home with her after work. Qala and Lawa were with them, and they were all talking over each other as they came to the turn in their lane. Halling was the first to notice Ried, just leaving her manage, turning to lock the door behind her. Halling nodded her head at Yoj, and all four of them fell silent. Qala stepped forward to stand beside Yoj, and Lawa did the same with Halling. With their shoulders stiffened, and their progress halted, they filled the lane from wall to wall.

Ried glanced up and saw them, motionless and unsmiling. She dropped her key, then scrambled to pick it up and, after a second's hesitation, she unlocked her door again and vanished inside.

Halling and Yoj began howling with laughter. The four of them continued on to the Manage and came in the front door in hysterics. Everyone inside turned to look at them wonderingly, and Halling tried to calm herself down, a little worried about how Bux might take this. But when Qen said "What's so funny?", Yoj poured it out. Bux had to sit down at the table, she was laughing so hard. She managed to gasp "Just think, if you'd had Szebel and Wiaki with you, she'd have soiled herself!" Yoj leaned on Bux's shoulders to give herself up to this hilarious image.

On Ot when Yoj came back from teaching singing, Bux was home looking in the larder, nobody else in the house. Yoj, full of happiness from children and music, wrapped her arms around Bux from behind and said "Your ass, since you've had children, is more beautiful than ever."

Bux slid happily around to face her and, without thinking, suddenly they were kissing. Ravenous kisses. After half a minute, Bux pulled back with a look of guilt and said "Oh, no, I forgot to ask -- "

"I didn't ask either" laughed Yoj. They resumed kissing, and only stopped because Veida came in from the tillage, a grin on her face and her arms loaded with mint. Yoj began her usual routine of breadmaking and laundry, while Bux helped Veida blanche the mint and tie it above the aga for drying into tea.

When Halling came home, Yoj found a private minute to tell her about the kiss. Halling said "Good thing, I'm on the same timetable", and she asked Bux to go with her to put away the chickens. When they came back in, Bux's cheeks were flushed and Halling's lips were a little nibbled on.

At dinner, Mill said "Tomorrow is Market Day, what was the forecast tonight?"

"Heavy chance of rain" answered Halling with a lilt.

"Yippee!" said Mill. "Will you stay home with us?"

"I'll need to go in early and look over hauling schedules, see if there's anything we can do. But I'll come back by 9, and stay home the rest of the day unless something comes up" said Halling, looking at Yoj and Bux meaningfully.

"Yippee!" echoed Ndege.

"How about if I take all of you to Market with me?" offered Qen. "Your emmas can sleep in, and when we get back for lunch, you can wake them up."

"Can we get something at Market?" asked Dodd swiftly. "I mean, besides food?"

Bux mouthed "Thank you" to Qen and reached into her pocket, pulling out small change. "Here's a tenth-ek for each of you, which I'm giving to your abba for safekeeping."

The yells of joy became cacophonous.

"I have five extra loaves of bread for barter" said Yoj "but we're low on yeast."

"We'll get you some" said Qen. She stood up and began gathering empty plates.

"Mill and Ndege, you help scrape the plates and carry out the compost" instructed Bux. "Dodd, it's your turn to feed the katts."

Halling grabbed Prl and Speranz by the collars and said "To the bath room with you, hoglets."

Veida and Yerush began helping Qen with the dishes, silence still noticeable around them. Bux raised her eyebrows at Yoj, who shrugged and went to her study for a piece of paper. She began a list for Market, and Bux leaned against her to add a couple of items. They set it down on the table with some currency, and beckoned their older children into the living room for games when they had finished their chores.

When Halling emerged with Prl and Speranz, shiny-faced and wrapped in towels, she said to Yoj "That bath water is just too far gone to re-use" as she went to their clothes chests for schmattas.

"Okay. Dodd and Ndege, you're up" Yoj called, going into the bath room to start a fresh tub.

Mill got Bux all to herself for her bath. By the time she emerged, the youngest children were already starting to get tired. Yoj spread a quilt on the floor and told them to all get their pillows, they could sing together for a bit and then she'd tell them stories until bedtime. Qen was still sleeping with Prl and Speranz, and Veida looked despondent every night around this time.

Mill complained that Yoj's stories were not adventurous enough, and Yoj replied they had to be quiet because it was time to sleep. After every child had a final trip to the privy and was tucked in, Qen doing the honors for her two companions, Yoj went into the bath room to wash for bed. After a few seconds, Bux slid in the door after her. They began kissing tempestuously.

"I really could use a bath, but it will have to wait" said Bux.

"You know I like you ripe" murmured Yoj.

"In the morning, after the house clears out, we could take a bath together" offered Bux.

"Mmmm" Yoj answered. Then "Let's not go too far without Halling."

"I'm going to the privy, I'll see you in bed" said Bux.

Halling was already sitting up in bed, wearing her schmatta.

"Veida's braving it alone" she whispered to Yoj.

"Yikes, I know" answered Yoj. "Bless you for being so incredible about all this." She began unlacing her gilet and stepping out of her boots. She was down to her knickers when Bux joined them, her face still damp from washing. Bux looked at Halling and said, with a delicious grin, "Whatever do you have that on for?"

Halling laughed and pulled off her schmatta.

Bux said "Who gets the middle?"

"Let's start with you" said Yoj, dropping her knickers into her clothes chest and closing it.

"Turn off the light" said Bux, scrambling in beside Halling.

When Halling rose quietly before dawn and left the room, Yoj woke up and needed to pee. She resisted for a few minutes, dreading the cold dark outside, but finally slid out of bed and, pulling on her schmatta and otos, went toward the back door. Halling was making herself a cup of tea. Yoj waved and hurried out the back door. When she came back in, she went to Halling and breathed into her ear "No Veida this morning?"

"Hard night, I bet" said Halling.

"I'm going back to bed" said Yoj, shivering a little. "Carynn bye." She kissed Halling, who whispered with a grin "You smell like Bux."

"So do you. Hurry home."

When she got back into bed, still wearing the schmatta, and spooned into Bux, Bux stirred and murmured "Your hands are icy."

"I went for a piss."

"Put them under my breasts, they'll warm up fast."

They were both awake now, and Bux rolled over on top of Yoj, kissing her slowly and leadingly. But after a minute, Yoj said "Hang on...there's something I need to tell you. I need to tell Halling, too, but I'll do it separately with her. And please understand, in advance, this is just me to you, I don't expect you to return it."

Bux was now scared. She pressed tight against Yoj.

"Bux -- I don't want anyone else. What I need are you and Halling. I mean as lovers. I just -- I should have told you a long time ago, I was stupid to keep the door open to a room I had no interest of ever entering. I'm never going to sleep with anyone else but you and Hall. You satisfy me completely."

Bux was close to tears. "Oh, Yoj. I can't believe you're saying this after I made a spectacle of myself with the next-door neighbor!"

Yoj laughed. "I don't know about a spectacle, exactly -- "

But Bux was kissing her ardently, urgently, and Yoj responded.

They slept a couple more hours before Halling came home and woke them, sitting on the foot of the bed and shaking Bux's feet gently.

"Hey" she said, when their eyes opened. "Do you want breakfast in bed? Nobody's here but us."

"C'mere" said Yoj thickly, pulling Halling in between them. She began unlacing Halling's gilet as Bux unbuttoned her pants. Halling helped them.

Later, Yoj repeated her promise of fidelity to Halling, who listened intently and said "No strings?"

"None. I understand about Szebel, I really do." After a few seconds, Yoj added "And -- if there should be someone for you, Bux, I meant to say." Her voice was much less convincing on the last part. Bux burst out laughing.

"I appreciate your intent" she told Yoj affectionately.

"Okay" said Halling. "I'm glad to hear it. I don't want to ever look like Qen has."

"Yerush is up to her crap again, I gather" said Bux. "You've been spending a lot of time with her, Yoj, have you seen whoever it is she's hot for now?"

Yoj and Halling were both trying to breathe normally. "I have no name to give you, Bux" said Yoj.

"Well, doesn't matter. Eventually they'll iron it out, they always do" said Bux. "Listen, since we have the house to ourselves -- it's been a while since we all squeezed into the tub together, shall we make the most of it?"

"You run the water, I've got to hit the privy again" said Yoj.

"I'll join you" said Bux, getting out of bed and opening the door.

"You're going outside naked?" said Yoj.

"Um-hmm, with you on my arm. Just in case the neighbors are watching" said Bux with a flash in her eyes.

"I'll start the water" said Halling, laughing.

After a long, playful bath, they dressed and made breakfast together. They were still eating when the emmas and five children arrived home -- they could hear them approaching down the lane, despite the thick front door being shut. The children swarmed them, showing off their purchases, as their abbas put away food.

Ndege's prize was a noisemaker which swung around on a string, both loud and dangerous. Mill had bought yet another kite, this one of an aerodynamic complexity that immediately absorbed Halling; their matching dark heads bent over its struts and pockets, talking about lift and resistance. Prl and Speranz had gone in together on a small bright wagon with a ceramic bed and plastic wheels. They also each had the last remant of a peppermint stick in their mouths.

Speranz grabbed Cheery the katt with sticky hands and tried to persuade her to take a ride in the wagon, but Cheery departed for parts unknown. Bux suggested they go find Petunia, who was docile to the point of inanimation, and they clattered out the back door, calling Petunia's name and dragging the wagon behind them.

Dodd was leaning against Yoj's lap, her prize clutched tight in her hands: A clear glass bottle of dark green ink.

"What are you going to do with the ink?" asked Yoj, a little worried about the lid popping off.

"Write" confided Dodd. "Like you do."

Veida grinned at the unholy joy that appeared on Yoj's face.

"Oh, Dodd, that's wonderful. But you don't have a fountain pen. You use pencils still at school, remember?"

"I know. But really good writing should be done in ink, and someday I'll have a pen. When I get one, I'll have the ink already. Look, hold it up to the light and see the color?" Dodd closed one eye and squinted with the other, positioning the bottle of emerald liquid in a shaft of light from the kitchen window.

"Wait here a second" said Yoj, standing up and going to her study. When she returned, she had two fountain pens in her hand.

"You recognize this pen, right?" she said, laying down the polished silver pen Bux and Halling had given her for her birthday the year Mill was born.

"That's what you write with" said Dodd, tracing it reverently with her fingers.

"Well, this other one" said Yoj, pointing to a squatter pen of maroon ceramic with a chip at the end showing dull metal underneath, "This pen was my graduation present from school. I used it all through University, until me and your emmas began our family. When I first became dichter, this was the pen I used."

Dodd gazed as it as if held magic.

"Here, hold it and see how it fits in your hands" said Yoj. All the adults were now listening, waiting for what was to come.

Dodd unscrewed the lid with her deft fingers, then closed them around the barrel. "It feels really good, emma" she said softly.

"It's empty, been empty a long time. Can you fill it from your bottle of ink?" said Yoj.

Dodd seemed to be holding her breath as she performed this maneuver for the first time without spillage. Bux had gotten a sheet of paper from the kitchen pad in the drawer and brought it back to the table, handing it to Yoj with a grin.

"Now, the trick to writing with a nib is to not press down, not like you do with a pencil. The ink flows like water, and you direct it but you don't force it. Try writing your name" suggested Yoj. Ndege, bored with this turn of events, went out the front door with her toy. Halling called after her "No swinging that where it can hit anybody."

Dodd licked her lips and carefully printed her name: "Dodd La Bux". Then she looked up at Yoj and added "Na Yoj + Halling".

"Does it feel like it could be your pen?" asked Yoj. Dodd finally tumbled to what was happening. She didn't seem to be able to answer, just started into Yoj's face incredulously. "I'd be honored if you'd allow me to present you with your first fountain pen" said Yoj, kissing Dodd's cheek.

Dodd flung her arms around Yoj's neck, taking care, however, to hold the pen away from all contact.

"Oh, thank you, emma, thank you so much!" she cried.

Qen said, from the door to the larder, "Next year when you're in my grade's second year, Dodd, I'll let you do your schoolwork in ink if you promise not to spill on my floor."

Dodd returned to writing, trying cursive, which made the nib grab at the paper more. Mill said in an aggrieved tone "How come she gets your pen? I'm the oldest."

"She's a writer" answered Halling. "It's a tool she needs."

"What tool do I need?" asked Mill. Then, before Halling could answer, Mill added "Since I'm going to be a lighter."

It wasn't the first time Mill had expressed a passion for lighting -- every child on Skene wanted to fly -- but the matter-of-fact tone in her voice and the look on her face always surprised Yoj with the realization that this was, absolutely, what Mill was meant to do.

Halling's face was conflicted. Mill, oblivious to the unrest she was causing, continued "I know! You can give me your guibba when I graduate from school and go into training. Can I be the one to get your guibba, emma?" She turned and looked into her Halling's face beseechingly.

Halling pulled her to her chest, her eyes closed tight. Mill took this for a Yes and wriggled free, running to the coat rack and pulling down Halling's guibba to try it on. Resignation in every motion, Halling stood up and went to help her.

Yoj had to look away. Bux put her hand over Yoj's and they communed for a minute. Then Yoj said "Okay, I need to start lunch. Dodd, if you'll scoot down to the end of the table, you can keep writing."

Yerush said "Can you leave me some space too? I got a twenty-weight of plums and I'm going to make jam."

"Jam!" cheered Mill from the living room.

"Sure" said Yoj, finding it easy to talk to Yerush normally today. She said in a lower voice "You know how the smell of sugar drives them crazy -- if you'll save a cup or two of the first simmer, I'll bake a jelly roll for dessert tonight."

Yerush's face flushed and she looked away from Yoj to answer "Good idea."

"I'll scald some jars for you" offered Bux. Qen and Veida both went out the back door to work in the tillage. Halling came to Yoj and said "I'd like to take Mill to fly her new kite up in the Shatters, plus whoever else wants to go. Will you be all right without me here?"

There was an undercurrent of meaning in her question. Yoj gave her a steady look and said "Fine." Then, turning to Dodd, "Do you want to go fly kites?"

Dodd was torn, but finally said "I'd rather keep writing. If I write a poem, can I read it to you?"

"Of course" said Yoj. Halling went to the back door and called out her offer to Prl and Speranz. They burst in with "Yesses". Then Yerush said "They'll get very hungry before you return."

"I'll take some ikan, and fruit" said Halling.

"I'll make some riceballs in a jiffy" said Bux.

Yoj helped pack a quick lunch for Halling's pack. Veida brought in a basket of ripe tomatoes and new lettuces, and she carried a big bowl of salad with ikan and riceballs back out to the tillage for her and Qen to share in the sun.

Once all the children except Dodd were ushered out the door with Halling, clutching kites and balls of string, a quiet fell over the house. Bux did dishes, boiled jars, and chatted sporadically with Yoj as Yoj started garbanzo beans simmering to make a spice-paste later, then chopped cabbage for vinegar slaw. Dodd breathed heavily out her mouth as she labored over her poem. Yerush, settled in her chair at the other end of the table, sliced and pitted plums. A ripe smell of vinegar and fruit filled the air. Bux and Yoj found many opportunites to brush against each other.

Once the bread was under way, Yoj washed her hands and said to Bux, who was sitting on the counter, watching her, "What now?"

Bux pulled her in between her legs and kissed her sweetly. "I hate to say it, but we still have laundry piled up and I think the gutters at the back of the roof need clearing out."

"I'll do the laundry" said Yoj. Gutters might mean shu.

Dodd called from the table "I'm done!"

Yoj turned around in Bux's arms and leaned against her. Bux fitted her chin into the curve of Yoj's neck as Yoj said "Let's hear it."

Dodd stood up to rock back and forth as she read her poem. By the second verse, Yoj had goosebumps coming up on her arms so strong that Bux noticed them and rubbed her flesh for her. At the end, Yoj burst across the room and lifted Dodd into the air.

"That was incredible, my darling darling Dodd!" exclaimed Yoj. Dodd crowed with laughter. Yoj set her back down and took the poem from her hands, sitting down to go over it line by line. Bux joined them, leaning over their joined heads.

Yerush's voice interrupted them from the stove where she'd put on a vast pot of plums to cook.

"It really is remarkably good" she said with a note of surprise in her voice. Bux flashed a wide smile at her, bent down to tell Dodd "Did you hear that? The most respected gakusha on Skene thinks your poem was remarkably good."

After a long discussion of word choice and line construction, where Dodd revealed a strong intelligence behind her gift for expression, Yoj pinned the poem to the larder door with magnets. Dodd was itchy with accomplishment. She was given a choice of helping with laundry or gutter cleaning, and after an apologetic look at Yoj, she opted for the outdoors with Bux. Yoj went into the bath room and began sorting piles of laundry as the cistern filled with boiling water.

Four loads later, their clothesline was filled to capacity and the bath room basket was empty. Yoj punched down the final sponge, cut it into loaves and put it in the aga. Four loaves, the muffins and three dozen rolls were cooling on the sideboard. Yerush's face was sweaty and pink from stirring the slowly cooking jam. As Yoj headed for the back door, Yerush said quietly "I'm sorry."

Yoj thought, If that's a confession, I don't want to hear it. But she turned to face Yerush and said "Bux is my beloved."

"I know" said Yerush. "I love her." Then, after a double heartbeat. "I love you, too."

Classic Yerush ambiguity. Yoj suddenly remembered Veida's admonition to not have private talks with Yerush about this. She said "I love you back, emma", coming down hard on the last word, and went outside.

Bux was done with the gutters and was using the washwater Yoj had just drained into the runoff tank to flush the privy. Dodd was squatted beside Qen, weeding and repeating her poem for the tenth time. Yoj looked for something to do, but Veida and Qen had turned compost, raked the chicken run, and harvested the tillage into rustling green order.

Yoj wandered over to look at the basket Qen and Veida had filled. "What do you want for dinner?" she asked.

"Squash and the root veggies can keep. We should eat the peas and kale tonight" said Qen, looking up at her with a face more peaceful than it had been the past 24 hours.

"Some of those tomatoes are enormous -- how about stuffing them with spice-paste and rice?" said Veida.

"Yummy" called out Dodd.

"We have great big sakana fillets from yesterday" said Yoj. "And I could steam the kale with a few pieces of bacon."

"A feast" declared Bux, coming to wrap her arms around Yoj's waist. "There's a dance tomorrow night on Verzin, and the ferries run until midnight."

Before Yoj could answer, Qen said "I'll stay home with the children, the three of you could go without them for a change."

"Bless you" Yoj told her. Then, to Bux, "You want to pick out my dancing clothes for me?"

During the resultant long kiss with Bux, Yoj briefly had the uncharitable thought that she really hoped Ried was watching.

Halling returned with some agreeably tired children just in time to wash for dinner. Qala and Lawa were already there, helping Yerush seal the last of her jars of jam. After cleaning plates and eating every last crumb of jelly roll, all five kids were allowed to stretch out on the grass in the back and make up constellations in the vivid night sky. Katts sat nearby, cleaning themselves and on shu patrol.

On the way home from the dance, the next night, Bux told Halling and Yoj that she, too, had decided she would never want another lover: Her heart was complete. Halling said "Well, now the pressure's on me, I guess."

"Not at all!" said Bux, spinning Halling into a waltz on the ferry deck. "You stay with that Yanja firebreather as long as you want! Yoj and I will wear each other raw when you're gone."

Several other passengers laughed out loud, and Halling was mortified. But Yoj cut into the dance and they tried to figure out how to waltz as a trio. Yoj knew she had Bux back, all the way, the Bux she'd always known.


Copyright 2007 Maggie Jochild.

Read More...

Summary only...

SKENE: CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

(Second chapter of a double, interrelated post.) This is draft one of my sci-fi novel Skene. To read earlier chapters, go to LABELS in the right-hand column on this page, scroll down to the Skene tags and click on the one you want to read. Skene is set on a human-habitable planet in the Alhena star system at least 500 years in the future. There's a considerable amount of appendix material and diagrams also available here as needed:
Map of Riesig (the main island)
Map of The Manage on Riesig
Skene Glossary (Skenish to English)
Skene Cast of Characters
Skene Culture, Calendar, Clothing, and Islands
Map of All Skene
Map of The Lofthall on Riesig

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

After baths, Bux, Halling and Yoj all gathered in the living room to play "On the Ferry to Inish", Skene's parlor favorite game which included math, alphabeticization, knowledge of planting cycles, and ferry routes as well as short-term memory skills. Speranz, realizing she needed help, wheedled Yerush to join them, and eventually persuaded her to come sit in a chair on the edge of the circle, Speranz in her lap openly cheating. Yoj and Bux took turns giving hints to the others, but Halling refused all assistance, her high smooth brow eventually creased in effort. As they played, the adults combed and rebraided the children's hair, slowly lulling them into drowsiness despite the fun.

When it was bedtime, Qen came to Yoj and whispered "Are you sleeping with the little ones tonight?"

Yoj understood the question behind her question and said "No." Qen put on her schmatta and got her pillow, leading Prl and Speranz to their bedroom. Bux watched with a mixed expression. After climbing down from the older children's loft, Yoj said to Halling and Bux, "Do you two feel like talking a little?" Bux's gladness gave Yoj a pang.

Halling walked with Yoj to the privy and asked "What're you going to do about your degree work with Yerush?"

"I don't know, Hall. I mean, I don't want to give up on it, and anyhow if I drop it, Bux will be suspicious. But working alone with her feels -- dangerous."

"Well, there's always keeping doors open, or being at the kitchen table" suggested Halling. "I don't want you to give up on it, either. Still, after you get the degrees, you'll be working with her at the U."

"I'll ask Veida what she thinks. Or -- is it okay with you if I talk to Qala? You know she'll tell Lawa."

Halling thought for a minute, then said "They're family. They won't gossip, and they protect those children as much as we do. I'd like to hear their take on it, too."

Before they reached the back door, Yoj said "I'm not ready to be intimate with Bux yet. No kissing. And I'd rather not be around your lovemaking. Is that going to be a hardship for you as we resume sleeping together?"

Halling laughed. "No, she and I've not found our way to that, either. Although I'm ready to have a 'nap' with you tomorrow, if you're interested. Can you cuddle? With her, I mean."

"I want to" said Yoj.

In their bedroom, Halling sat with her knees pulled up, her schmatta around her waist and her ginny exposed. Yoj thought it was adorable how un-self-conscious Halling was when she was with her lovers. Speranz had the same happy exhibitionism; Yoj hoped she held onto it as an adult. Yoj sat at the foot of the bed, and Bux leaned against the headboard.

"Well" said Halling with a drawl, and they laughed nervously. Bux clamped her hands together and said "I'll start. I want you both to know, I regret the way I did things more almost more than I can bear. I -- I still don't know what happened to me. I've figured out pieces of it, not all." She paused, releasing her hands for a moment, and Yoj could see she was trembling.

Yoj said gently "I'd like to hear the pieces you do know."

Bux's eyes searched her face. "Okay. But if I say something that makes you mad -- please, let's keep talking. I won't walk out, and I want you not to, either."

"Fair enough" said Yoj, and Halling nodded.

"I was feeling -- no longer valued in this partnership. Or, wait, that's not exactly it. I was valued, but not for all of who I was. I -- was your entry to this Manage, my emmas are now your emmas, which -- " Bux's voice broke -- "Since you're an orphan now, Halling, and Yoj, you might as well be, I am grateful daily for having given you replacement emmas. I'd be in pain if you didn't have them, please don't think I'm resentful."

"I'm grateful daily as well" said Halling, reaching out a hand to touch Bux's knee.

"And I'm the aggie, I gave us our children, and again, I know you two -- nobody ever loved their kids more than you do, and you both do more than your share. I see that, I always see that But -- I'm more than that, you know? I -- I'm ambitious, I'm the child of three powerful women and I want to do other things besides raise children and love my emmas. Like you both have. In the last couple of years, you both have starting coming into prominence, and -- you have to admit, I've supported you and believed in you and never once wanted anything but what you wanted for yourselves." Bux's voice was pleading.

Halling said "You've been an incredible partner, Bux." But Yoj was hesitating, then asked "So, you slept with Ried because you can't run for Sheng Zhang right now?"

"No!" said Bux. "I mean, not directly. It's just -- we've all been stretched thin, I know, and grieving, but -- you two seem to have gone on talking in the way we used to, sharing your thinking as we go along. But it hasn't felt like I've been included as much, and I haven't had anything of my own to offer, just -- hey, that sounds good. It's like I stopped having my own sphere of influence, now that I'm not at home with a baby. I'm just a secretary. And -- don't hate me, but Ried thought I was fascinating. Or, at least, I thought she did. I guess it was all just an act, to get me into bed -- Jaln said I was the last of a long line of shallow, easily flattered nobodies that Ried like to steal from under the noses of important women." Bux's voice went dull at the end.

Halling sucked in her breath, outraged. "You're NOT a nobody, you're not shallow, you're -- one of the most amazing women to ever walk Skene!" Yoj simply moved down the bed, in a single motion wrapping herself around Bux, saying "We did stop talking the way we used to, you're right, you must have been so lonely". Bux burst into tears, and Halling came to wrap her arms and legs around them both as Bux wept.

"I can't believe I was that stupid, I can't believe I thought she was attractive!" wailed Bux. "I just wanted somebody like Szebel, I wanted to be idolized again! But she wasn't, she was -- oh, will Speranz ever forgive me? If Jaln hadn't come home when she did, I was about to pick up something heavy and smash Ried in the face with it, I would have wound up on Peisuo with Z'bef."

Yoj felt a chill run through her. They'd all been in trouble she hadn't noticed. She reveled in the delicious feeling of the three of them connected again, her love for Bux finding an outlet again. After a while, she wiped Bux's cheeks with her open palm and said "We've been out of balance." A term Skeners understood on many levels.

Halling scooted over to face them both. "Listen, if my becoming lovers with Szebel is what set us akilter, I'll stop. I won't see her again."

Yoj said "I can't speak for Bux, but that's not necessary for me. This may sound crazy, but I think it was more the shift of not facing your death every single day, the incomprehensible relief of it, followed too swiftly by Ng dying. And -- I got out of the habit of going deep with Bux, I did, sweetheart, but it wasn't because you stopped being interesting. I think -- I don't know what happened."

Halling said softly "We're all growing up. We're the emmas now, and all too soon, we'll be abbas. And you two -- you need to be as sure of Bux as you are of me, Yoj. It's something about Rosz, seems like it always is. And Bux, you need to stop ever going to the place where you were waiting on us, waiting to be chosen. I've wanted to tell you both something for a while now, and, well, it's my fault for not getting around to it. We have this myth between us that the great love of my life was Xaya, that she's the grand passion I've learned to live without. Don't get me wrong, she was a grand passion and I'm eternally sorry she died. But -- what I have with you is more, and if she'd lived, I wouldn't have as much as I do now. I'm certain of it. And Bux, it's not just Yoj, it's you just as much. I'm crazy in love with you both." Her voice was thick with emotion.

Bux whispered "I want to kiss you -- are we able to do that, yet?"

Halling looked at Yoj, who said sadly "I'm not. Not yet at balance. But if you two want to, please, go ahead."

Halling said "I'd rather wait." Waiting on balance was something Skeners learned early -- waiting for seeds to germinate, fruit to ripen, skies to clear, leave to be given, morrie vaseo, sister citizens to change their minds. While you waited, you busied yourself with other things.

"At least we get to all sleep together, close" said Bux gladly.

"Can I have the middle?" asked Yoj. Halling and Bux looked at each other, then nodded at her.

"Are we done talking for tonight?" said Halling.

"I guess" said Yoj. "But more tomorrow night, and on until we're clear again, please."

They lay down, and Bux reached over to turn off the light before pushing herself into Yoj's arms. Halling was fitted along Yoj's back, and Yoj felt every cell in her body relax.

Halling whispered "If you'd split Ried's head open, we'd have sworn up and down you were with us at the time."

"And baked a cake in celebration" added Yoj. Bux laughed wildly. "Good to know" she said.


Copyright 2007 Maggie Jochild.

Read More...

Summary only...

SKENE: CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

(First chapter in a double interrelated post.) This is draft one of my sci-fi novel Skene. To read earlier chapters, go to LABELS in the right-hand column on this page, scroll down to the Skene tags and click on the one you want to read. Skene is set on a human-habitable planet in the Alhena star system at least 500 years in the future. There's a considerable amount of appendix material and diagrams also available here as needed:
Map of Riesig (the main island)
Map of The Manage on Riesig
Skene Glossary (Skenish to English)
Skene Cast of Characters
Skene Culture, Calendar, Clothing, and Islands
Map of All Skene
Map of The Lofthall on Riesig

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

After dinner, Yoj said to Yerush in a remarkably normal tone of voice, "Emma, I want to keep spending time with my children. The weekend's almost over. We'll have to finish my outline another day. But I really appreciate all your attention today."

She saw a brief expression of having been thwarted cross over Yerush's face, which frightened her in a new way. Yerush said "All right" in a calm voice, however, and brought her own work to Yoj's study.

At one point, talking with Dodd and Mill, Yoj mentioned she'd written a new poem that weekend. They immediately asked to hear it, and Halling, cleaning shoes on the front steps, also looked up to say "Me, too." Yoj got it from her pack and read it aloud. Bux was sitting at the table with Qen and Veida, looking over the planting schedule, her back to Yoj. When Yoj was done, she saw Bux's shoulders sag in the way they did when she cried. She suddenly ached to go to her and touch her. Halling was watching them both. When Yoj didn't move, Halling said "That may be the best ever. Next to our partnering song, of course. Do you have music for it yet?"

"Not yet. A few inklings."

"Well, I can't wait to hear a full band do it, with maybe Amya singing" said Halling. Yoj saw Bux nod to herself.

Once the kids were in bed, Yoj realized she definitely did not want to go to her cubicle or the Lofthall alone tonight. Halling was already in bed, and Bux was brushing her teeth. Yoj followed her into their bedroom and said quietly "Would it be intrusive if I slept with you two tonight?"

Bux pulled in air over her lower lip, measuring her response. "Not intrusive, no. Do you want Halling in the middle?"

They both looked at Halling, who was on the far side and snoring softly. Yoj noticed tonight she was lying in a spot where she'd be in contact with Bux. "No, don't wake her up. I'd -- like to read, will that be okay?"

"Sure" said Bux.

Yoj went to the bath room to put on her schmatta. When she returned, Bux was lying on her side, Halling spooned back into her. Yoj got nervously into bed and tried to read, but found she couldn't concentrate. She finally turned off the light and lay with her back to the rest of the bed. Bux whispered "Good night." Yoj said "Sweet dreams." Yoj heard the change in Bux's breathing when she went to sleep.

She realized the only reason she had not been wild to be back in contact with Bux was the distraction of study offered by Yerush. In some way, she felt like she had been seducible -- maybe not sexually, but in terms of her priorities. She was terrified about the conversation with Halling. She forced her mind onto meter and rhyme, her only chance of going to sleep.

She came awake partway when Halling got up at dawn. She wasn't sure if Halling's kiss and whispered "I love you" had really happened or was a dream. She didn't wake when Bux got up. By the time she trudged from their bedroom, feeling rested in a way she had not for some time, the only person not at work or school was Veida. Yoj got herself some rice gruel with fruit and a mug of tea, and sat down across from Veida.

"I'm meeting Halling at work to talk with her" she said quietly.

"Bux told me" said Veida. "She thinks you're planning to dissolve your partnership with her. She didn't believe me when I told her you wouldn't do that."

"I've considered it, this past week" admitted Yoj.

"Then you're an ass" said Veida tiredly.

"I know" said Yoj.

"I asked Qen to take the afternoon off and come home at lunch. I couldn't tell her why, and I've never asked her for something like that, so I'm sure she's half-frantic. When we're done talking, we'll go corner Yerush at her office."

Yoj looked at her intently. "I'm grateful for you in all this" she said. "I can't imagine how you're dealing with -- your end."

"We love who we love" Veida said. "Although this is stretching the bonds as tight as they can go."

After eating, Yoj did two loads of laundry, mostly children's clothes, before washing and dressing. She hung the clothes outside to dry, then swept and mopped all the muddy floors. She made a snack for the children and put it in the larder, a small gift for Bux later.

She ate lunch at the Lofthall with Qala. Halling was out at a meeting. Yoj longed to tell everything to Qala, hear her perspective, but she couldn't do that before talking to Halling. Qala did ask her how things were with Bux.

"I'm -- ready to move closer. Just don't know quite how yet" said Yoj.

"You'll figure it out, you always do" said Qala. "You made the right choice with her, in the beginning, I mean. She really is your heart's desire." That helped to hear.

Yoj said "Veida was doing the household accounts, earlier, and every month we keep showing up with an extra ek that we can't identify as income. It occurred to me to ask you about it."

Qala grinned bashfully. "Well, Lawa brings you all kinds of largesse from the ejida, and I have dinner there as much I do here. And those kids never seem to stop eating, so I wanted to contribute."

"You should put it in savings" began Yoj.

"I have a huge savings. Listen, if you'd rather, I'll start separate savings for the children" said Qala. "Between your Manage and Moasi's, coupling with Lawa makes me sibemma to eight kids whom I actually get to love personally."

"We have savings for them, and Ng's covered their education" reminded Yoj. "Tell you want, you want to contribute to the Manage food stores? Collect your allotment, whatever you're not sending to Chloddia or giving to the Lofthall, and bring it to us. You'll impress the lev out of the abbas and the kids, and you'll have the added thrill of watching it go into their mouths at mealtime."

Qala beamed as she turned to answer a radio call, giving Yoj a thumb's up. Halling walked in soon after, handed Qala a set of papers, conferred with her a minute, then said unsmilingly to Yoj "In my office, I guess." Halling sat at her desk, and Yoj sat on the bed, holding the edge with her hands.

"You better not be thinking about dissolving our three-way partnership" said Halling without preamble. "I know you can get through this."

"That's not what I need to talk over with you" said Yoj.

Halling said "Spill it, then."

Yoj told her. Before she was half done, Halling was swearing, her face dark with rage. When Yoj was done, Halling stood up over Yoj and, glaring down at her, said "Look me in the eyes and swear to me you had no idea, you weren't somehow playing this game with her."

"I swear" said Yoj. "But I don't feel innocent. If I wasn't estranged from Bux, I can't see Yerush having tried this."

Halling clenched her fists and glanced toward the door. "I'd like to walk right over to her office -- "

"Not your job. You job is me and Bux. Veida and Qen are doing that part" said Yoj.

"Bux must never know" Halling said fervently, echoing Veida.

"I know."

"I mean, never ever. It would kill her. It would ruin every relationship in the Manage. It would taint our children." Halling was passionate.

"I know, Hall. Whatever else, this she doesn't deserve. It's not lying to her, I understand the difference."

"Are you still in love with Bux?" Halling sat back down.

"I think so. I wouldn't be so hurt about Ried if I wasn't, would I?"

"Were you hurt like this about me and Szebel?" asked Halling.

"No. And it's not that I love you less. But you were Xaya's first, and so I never felt like the biggest love of your life. And how Bux fell for you, well, I was a little jangled by that, except I was included, you know? I was part of it with you, so I didn't feel left behind. And we kept growing together. But Ried was such a -- manipulator, as it turns out, and Bux not being honest with me in advance -- and then her going back to sleep with Ried again after Ried lit into Dodd and said that sewage about Speranz -- "

"Bux didn't sleep with Ried after she found that out" said Halling. "Where did you get that idea?"

"She went over there the next day" argued Yoj.

"Yes, to confront her and end it with her" said Halling. "How could you imagine she'd do otherwise?"

Yoj was trying to wrap her mind around this new, conflicting information. "Really? She was breaking up with her, even before Jaln showed up?"

"And how. I mean, yes, Yoj, she messed up that first day when she didn't know Veida wasn't home, and she was -- obsessed. But she'd never neglect the children, I can't believe you don't know better -- oh, I get it" said Halling, her face clearing. "You thought you'd picked an aggie like Rosz. You suddenly found yourself living with Rosz again. No wonder you've been so nuts."

Yoj wasn't sure she could breathe. Halling came to sit beside her, putting her arm over her shoulder. She continued, in a gentle voice.

"And Yerush saw her chance. She didn't want you, Yoj, I hope you can see that. She just wanted to get something that hadn't seemed possible to acquire until then -- like she hit on Ng when Qen stepped into some independence. You didn't know that either? Yeah, she propositioned Ng one day when Qen wasn't around, despite them being out of sui. You can just imagine how Ng said no. Yerush -- She wanted to take a piece of what Bux had." Halling's scorn was inches thick.

"Oh, lev, Halling. How are we going to go on living with her?"

Halling sighed. "Follow Veida and Qen's lead, I guess. Some of us are visibly flawed. At least Bux came out okay. But you know, I suddenly understand the rationale behind exile, behind the rule that once you cross a line, your entire Manage can be contaminated." Halling was speaking in a whisper; even so, Yoj glanced at the door fearfully.

"And it wasn't just trying to steal from her own child" continued Halling, "But she knew what your weak spot was, has been your whole life -- your aggie. You wanted love and attention you didn't get. And Yerush knew if she suddenly became -- available, it would be like Rosz magically turning around and claiming you as her child."

Yoj flung herself down onto the bed, bursting into tears. "I'm the one who's flawed, Hall, no wonder Bux didn't think I was enough any more!" She sobbed frantically, her body spasming with ancient grief. Halling lay down beside here murmured "That's it, get all that muck out of you, it's gonna be okay, sweetheart".

The purge was absolute. When she was done, she felt weak but immensely better. Halling's smell filled her nostrils, her hands warm on her back.

Halling said "I honestly don't think Bux has changed in how much she loves you. She's hurt right now, and pulled away, because you're all swoll up and also she feels bad about what she's done. She wants your forgiveness. The fact is, she wants you to comfort her about making such a mistake as to believe Ried, and the Yoj I know would have been able to give that to her. But the Yoj I know got replaced, seems like, by a wounded child for these last few weeks."

"If I have Bux, and you, I can face anything" said Yoj, coming back into her right mind and heart with relief.

"You faced much worse without us, but yeah, you've got us now" said Halling.

Yoj giggled and said "I remember what you said the first day we all slept together. You told me 'It's good there's two of us', remember?"

Halling laughed. "It's a good number, three."

"At least for us" said Yoj, feeling another wave of worry for Qen and Veida. "You know, Bux is at home alone with the kids."

Halling said "I'm going with you. We need to stick together right now. You ready to be a grown-up now?" asked Halling.

Yoj stood briskly and pulled Halling to her feet. They kissed gratefully, and Halling said "You should wash your face before we head out."

When Yoj and Halling turned into the lane which lead home, they saw a crowd of children playing in the street, theirs among them. Ndege, Dodd and Prl were in a frenzied game of tag with several neighbor kids. Prl ran up to them and said "Will you play with us, please, emmas?" Halling laughed and said "After dinner -- we have to go help your aggie right now." Prl whirled away back to the game. Mill was on a bench wrapped around another child her age, giggling and whispering. Speranz and a couple of other toddlers were sitting at the edge of the lane, digging in the dirt with spoons. When Speranz grinned up at them, there were brown streaks at the corners of her mouth.

"We don't eat dirt, remember, Speranz?" said Yoj. Speranz nodded solemnly.

They went down into the house. Bux was in the kitchen, mixing fishcake batter. She looked up at them expressionlessly. Halling went to give her a hug and asked "What needs doing?"

"Rice is ready" answered Bux tiredly. "But nothing's been picked for a salad."

Halling got a basket from the shelf and went out the back door, giving Yoj a stern look.

Yoj washed her hands at the sink, standing near Bux at the counter, and said "I could stew some dried apricots with cinnamon, maybe make that sodabread you like and we could spoon the fruit over it."

"That would be much appreciated by the children" said Bux quietly, not looking at her. After a moment, she added "I have a wandmaler job at the start of next week, I'm going to Juh to meet with the family as soon as the ferries run."

"I'll be here for the kids after school. Will you make it home for dinner?" asked Yoj.

"No. But by bedtime" said Bux.

"We'll miss you" said Yoj. Bux didn't answer. Yoj stepped over behind her and whispered into her ear "I miss you right now."

Bux stopped mixing, and didn't seem to be breathing, either. Yoj put her hands on Bux's waist and said "Ried was an imbecile."

Bux wheeled to face her and threw her arms around Yoj's neck. "No, I was the imbecile, oh, Yoj, I'm so sorry!"

Yoj melted around her, saying "I don't know how to find our balance again, darling, but I want to try."

They looked into each other's eyes for a long time, relief seeming to literally change the Bux's blue to a deeper color. Bux leaned toward her slowly, as if beginning a kiss, and Yoj whispered "Not yet. I can't do that yet. Let's just keep looking at each other."

When the back door opened, they broke apart, radiant, and grinned at Halling returning with a basket of vegetables. Halling was not looking at them, however; her eyes were on Yerush, standing in the doorway to the kitchen, staring at them with an unreadable expression.

Yoj tightened her grip on Bux and looked away from Yerush. Halling said hello and walked by Yerush to wash her lettuces at the sink. Yerush went out the back door without a word, and Yoj began slicing apricots. She wondered where Veida and Qen were.

Half an hour later, Yerush came in the back door with a chicken carcass. Her hands were blood spattered, and bits of down were all over her shati.

"Did you find one we missed this weekend? And -- my word, aggie, did you pluck that without scalding it first?" asked Bux, surprised.

"She was old" said Yerush shortly, as if that explained it.

"It looks like a hen, not a capon" observed Bux. Halling and Yoj were staying very busy.

"It was Mitty. She'd stopped laying" answered Yerush in a tone of extreme irritation. Bux looked at Yoj -- Mitty had been her favorite, the one Yoj saved particular scraps for. But Yoj was looking at Halling expressionlessly. Yerush put the chicken away in the larder and went to the bath room to wash.

Once she was out of earshot, Bux said quietly to Yoj "What crawled up her ass?"

"I couldn't say" answered Yoj. "The apricots are ready, and the soda bread will be done in half an hour. I'll set the table."

"Qen and Veida aren't here yet, wonder where they are?" said Bux. Halling went to the front door and called in the children. When they tumbled into the house, the grime factor was high, especially for Speranz. Halling and Yoj lined them up at the kitchen sink and got their faces and hands clean enough to eat. "But after dinner, baths for everyone" said Yoj.

"You promised we'd play!" protested Prl.

"We will. In the living room, after baths" said Halling.

Qen and Veida came in the front door. Qen's eyes were swollen and red, and Veida looked exhausted. Yoj was immobilized by worry, which only got worse when Yerush emerged from the bath room, gave her partners a stony look, and stalked to the ladder to climb to her loft. Then Yoj remembered Halling's instruction to be a grown-up. She went to Qen and put her arms around Qen's waist. Qen was stiff for a moment, but she put her cheek next to Yoj's and finally wrapped her arms around Yoj in return. "I'm so sorry" whispered Yoj.

"Not your fault" whispered Qen back.

"I love you as if you'd given birth to me" Yoj continued. "I'll never hurt this family."

Qen fought starting to cry again. "I know that" she said. She kissed Yoj's cheek and went to the bath room to wash her face.

Yoj hugged Veida next. "I talked to Halling" she whispered. "We're sorted out, and I'm beginning to be with Bux."

"Good" said Veida.

Yoj said out loud "Dinner's ready, as soon as you feel like sitting down."

Bux was putting a pitcher of water on the table, and said hello to Veida distractedly. When Yerush came back down the ladder with a clean shati on, Halling and Yoj began getting the children seated. Qen joined them at the last minute, her face still ravaged by what looked like hours of crying. She sat next to Yerush without comment. Bux studied her face and clearly wanted to ask what was wrong, but Qen's refusal to meet anyone's eyes kept Bux silent.

Despite the obvious tension between the three abbas, dinner was raucous. The children seemed to pick up on the change in their emmas' dynamic, the way children can, and they pushed for much more interaction than mealtime had held in weeks. Yoj couldn't stop looking at Bux's hopeful face, and every time she did, she found Bux looking at her. When Bux got up to take the soda bread from the oven, she kissed Yoj on the top of her head. Halling winked at Yoj, and then Veida did likewise, with a tight smile.


Copyright 2007 Maggie Jochild.

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