[Note from Maggie: I translated these from LOLspeak because I had pity on you.]
1. The putting on of pants is time to panic. Hide her keys. And glasses.
2. All rustling plastic could be a Whiskr Likns bag being opened.
3. Chinese takeout has hot peppers mining the meat -- FAIL.
4. Best time to ask for attention is when Maggie is compiling her weekly round-up of LOLCats for her blog.
5. If Maggie suddenly says "God fucking DAMMIT", immediately go to closet for long nap.
6. Cripples are easy to outrun.
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