GUT CHECK

had a long talk with martha tonight. old friends can remember and connect things you cannot and offer it up like cold melon on a desert serescape. ideas which have been flickering around in my head this week, questions about the change i've made this year and change i yet need to implement, have clarified. the confusion i decided to allow myself and sit in is now resolving somewhat. heady stuff.

an essay i was directed to by cowboy diva gave me a succinct adage/reminder right when i needed it, from none other than that bastard paul (my mother reviled him in particular of all early christian propagandists because of his unwavering woman-hating): "test everything, keep the good." which presupposes trusting oneself AND existing in a functional community, i think.

today is the anniversary of my abdominal surgery, when a hidden carcinoid tumor was removed from me because i had a hunch and insisted on what i deserved. i remember waking up cold and afraid to move in the surgery suite, surrounded by short-haired expert nurses all over 40 years of age, who briskly reassured me, got me to move, and handed me a phone to announce the news of the success they had helped bring about. no brain damage this time, my intestines restored, my stomach noticeably altered, and then a quick trip to the PCU where i was delivered into the extraordinary hands of grace, the perfectly named nurse who set my course for the year that followed. amazing grace.

the goodness of people is unlimitied and bubbles up constantly, looking for a meander it can join. take off your shoes and wade through as you search for your own headwaters. love glues the cosmos together and, they say, smells like raspberries in our corner of space. ♥