Saturday, January 1, 2011


My "dream outside the box" wishes for 2011:

(1) Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor publicly announce they have become lovers. In reaction, Clarence Thomas has a stroke and Anthony Scalia resigns in contagion panic. Suddenly there are five women on the Supreme Court, three of them sistahs of color.
(2) Nancy Pelosi announces she is running for the Presidency in 2012. The heads of liberal boys explode all around the country as they try to claim she isn't as progressive as Obama.
(3) A move is under way to replace the word "God" with "Kenny Loggins" in the motto imprinted on currency.
(4) Health care for all members of Congress is repealed and they have to find insurers who will cover them as they are.
(5) There is a freak convergence of tornados at the state funeral of Dick Cheney, taking out so many neocons that the next day the 700 Club admits global warming might be an issue to worry about.
(6) Ellen Degeneres starts eating again and calls herself a lesbian.
(7) New influxes of lesbians in the armed forces form secret vigilante groups who (a) castrate male soldiers who rape women and (b) leak the codes and whereabouts of all Blackwater-esque "private pay" forces to the Taliban. The wars are hastily ended.
(8) A coalition of progressive organizations begins demanding every candidate for public office answer one question: Do you believe in the supremacy of the white race? Refusal to answer is called a Yes. Speakers are shouted down until they answer the question. Teabagger support is badly eroded, and the remaining parties are classified as hate groups by the SPLC.
(9) Dennis Kucinich slips a bill labeling high fructose corn syrup a controlled hazardous substance into a defense spending bill and it passes, ending corn subsidies and wreaking havoc on agribusiness.
(10) More cowbell.

No comments: